In Pursuit of Greatness

This week I have been trying to ask myself: what if it were easy, what if it were fun?

Feb 27, 2025

What if it were easy? What if it were fun?

I am in the middle of a period where I have a LOT TO DO. The album is almost out! Every day I wake up and think, “okay, today I must get some things done,” and normally I approach each task like this:

But this week I have been trying to ask myself: what if it were easy, what if it were fun?

I have a tendency to start the day with a to do list which normally gets titled "THINGS I HAVE TO DO" but maybe this is the wrong framing. There are lots of things I have to do but maybe instead of seeing it as a to do list, maybe it's just a natural progression of things. I will always get the things I “NEED TO DO” done. Let me flow between them!

⏰ Time-xiety

I remember once hearing a podcast episode back when I was in my ✨woo-woo spiritual woman manifestation✨ phase in 2018, and this woman was talking about the thyroid gland. She said that people with thyroid issues have anxiety about time, or issues with time. When she said it I literally felt like ho-ly shit, because ever since I had to start taking meds for my underactive thyroid, I have always had this very real sense that there is not enough time in the day for anything. I feel like it is constantly slipping away from me like sand. Maybe it’s a thing that other people have with conditions which limit their energy levels. I feel like when you have felt that sensation of your body being seriously depleted for an extended period of time (like, months or more), you develop an anxiety about being able to get everything done. It can feel like you’re trying to push uphill.

Despite being on meds and my levels being relatively balanced for years now, the time anxiety never went away. That has very much stayed a part of me ever since.

So, combining this hourglass worldview and the tyrannical ‘To Do’ lists I make myself, it’s no wonder that when things get to Crunch Time™️ , I start to panic.

Have! To! Do! Everything! Can’t! Let! Things! Slip!

So, I’m trying to reframe it. Because normally, there is always time to get the things done. And sometimes, the stuff on my list which feels really chunky and huge is actually a 5-minute task.

objects in the mirror are larger than they appear

To try and make things more fun, I have made a chart for my wall which is a series of squares with different important tasks in them. When I do one, I get to colour it in. It’s starting to look like a snakes and ladders board game.

🎲 Fear & Purpose

Last Wednesday I met up with

🌈⃤Ani

and we talked about life, art, and everything in between. A swan came up to us:

Over a gigantic plate of nachos, I told Ani that I was nervous about my upcoming performance. I am afraid.

I am afraid of these things:

me just really sucking on stage
nobody turning up
significantly less people than expected turning up and my bandmates and the venue turning to me and saying, “wow, that’s embarrassing for you, and we all hate you now and will never work with you ever again”
my outfit and makeup looking stupid
some Very Important Thing I’ve forgotten to do

The thing is though, underneath all of that, I have this unwavering belief in myself. When I get on stage, it’s like I suddenly become someone else. I become someone who does not worry. I have no time anxiety. There are no alternatives to what I am doing right now. I don’t have to make choices. I just get to follow through on the setlist and experience the moment.

When you perform you enter a space where time is different. You are Locked In for the next twenty-minutes or hour and you just have to get on the vehicle and ride it. And I think because time becomes this linear thing, instead of this crazy hourglass filled with sand that’s running away from me in every direction, I can relax.

How Time Feels To Me Normally

How Time Feels When I’m Performing

A sense of purpose can also help me stay calm.

At the pub, with the swan, and the giant plate of nachos, I said to Ani:

“I make music and perform it because I really, really believe I have something to say. I believe that when I perform I can help people get to a thought or experience or a place that they wouldn’t be able to get to without a song, without music.”

I loved Timothee Chalamet’s speech at the SAG awards this week:

"I know we’re in a subjective business, but the truth is, I’m really in pursuit of greatness. I know people don’t usually talk like that, but I want to be one of the greats.”

I love it. That’s someone who knew they were put on this Earth for a purpose.

Even though I am not trying to be ‘one of the greats,’ I really do believe that I was put on this Earth to make music, to perform for people, to give people a key which they can use to unlock something within themselves. To me, that is also a pursuit of greatness.

I feel this so strongly, like, I feel this the most.

🪄 Come To My Show!

After all that, you really oughta buy a ticket to my album release show because

a) I am in pursuit of greatness

b) you will feel something special when you see me perform

c) it’s high time we stopped hibernating for the winter

Grab your tickets here:

✨Tickets!✨

🎙️ I Have A Podcast Now

If you don’t know already, I have a songwriting podcast with my songwritery friend Edward Randell! Today we release episode 3. Go have a listen to what we’ve made so far! Anyone interested in writing or the creative process will benefit from these episodes.