In prep for my single release tomorrow, I uploaded my track to Bandcamp, filled out all the little liner notes and lyrics, and then just pressed ‘publish.’
I should have not pressed publish.
I accidentally leaked my song a day early! ha ha haaaa
Tomorrow, ‘Nothing Feels Like Home’ will be on Spotify OFFICIALLY and you can stream it to your heart’s content. But today, if you want to pick up the song for £1 (or more) on Bandcamp, you can. Click the button below:
‘Nothing Feels Like Home’ was written at a time when my life looked like this:
The picture on the right is actually the day I recorded the demo. The picture on the left is the small balcony I had overlooking the garden.
I had a little room in this apartment in South London that I only stayed in for a few months, and below my bedroom window was a private allotment sheltered by the surrounding houses. It's that view I remember when I think of ‘Nothing Feels Like Home.’ A moon above the rooftops, or a couple smoking in the garden, a cat winding its way through a vegetable patch, rain lashing against the windowpane. It was an in-between place, and in that in-between place, I wrote this song.
It was the summer of 2019 and I was feverishly convincing myself that life was good and exciting things were going to happen. I would do this by handwriting myself reminders and sticking them on my wall, or writing them in notebooks:
But at the same time, I was feeling alone and adrift after going through a big life change. I’d just ended a long-term relationship, was living in a random tiny apartment, and was embarking on recording my first EP, Hurricane (a process which would turn out to be very… lengthy).
For all of my positive outlook and determined affirmations, I still felt weird and small when lying in my bed at night, looking at the ceiling, listening to my meditation app to send me off to sleep.
I was alone… and it was in those moments that the opening lines of ‘Nothing Feels Like Home’ take place:
I think about it every now and then
Phantom of your love
Ghost of idle touch
Seeping like a cut that’s newly bled
Images of you when you were still new
Had I made the right decision? Was I going to be alone forever? What did this next chapter of my life hold?
The next chapter turned out to be a very good one. I moved out of that tiny apartment, met someone wonderful, and stopped feeling so alone. Of course, when the pandemic hit, all of those feelings came back…
I think it just goes to show that things come in cycles. Sometimes I listen to this song and I don’t relate at all. I know there will be some other times in my life where I listen to this song and it will be saying exactly how I feel in that moment. How nice it is, though, to feel different things at different times.
Please listen, and enjoy this early offering of ‘Nothing Feels Like Home.’ And don’t forget to add it to your playlists tomorrow.
things i liked
✶ enjoying this song by Worriers:
✶ I am reading A Court of Thorns and Roses again, which, is THE fantasy romance dujour, of the moment, of the year, forever. I normally never have the desire to re-read books but this is a real treat for me.
✶ Congrats to this Glasgow policeman who looks like he’s just busted Pablo Escobar, but its milk
✶ Was recently reminded of this incredible duet between the Spice Girls and… Pavarotti:
✶ I’m fascinated by this abandoned suburb outside of Istanbul where they tried to create a luxury fairytale neighbourhood:
That’s all folks, I hope you have a good weekend, I am finally free of covid but am still very tired so am moving through life slowly at the moment.
Remember to check out ‘Nothing Feels Like Home’ on Bandcamp and to pre-save it for your Spotify playlists tomorrow:
Also, if you like this newsletter or think you have a friend who might enjoy it too, you can always forward it on to someone else & spread the good newsletter cheer.
But for now, click the heart button at the top of this email and claim your prize!
Olivia 🎪