sedimentary, my dear watson

THE ROCK GAME IS AFOOT!

I guess I was setting myself up for it when I sent out last week’s newsletter about my favourite rock without specifying what the rock actually was. Duh, Olivia! The people need to know!

In all honesty, I had no clue what the rock was made of. I’d had a little pipe dream that one day I would be able to bring it somewhere for identification and have a kind, white-bearded man wipe down his dusty apron and inspect the specimen through one of those jeweller’s eye-monocle-telescope-things and say ‘aha!’

Sometimes, you forget that you can just do things yourself.

So, armed with some rudimentary knowledge, I decided to solve the mystery.

but first… come to a live show!

Before we dig in to the Rock Mystery I wanted to let you know that I’ve got a few shows lined up in London this autumn. So if you’re keen to hear some geology songs and also a few non-geology songs, then come along to one of these shows.

Now, on to the story.

Chapter 1: The Facts

I paced, one hand behind my back, puffing on a bubble pipe. The afternoon light shone in through the windows of my ruffled upstairs room. The sweet violins of the Kingdom Hearts soundtrack played as I rifled through my thoughts.

Here was what I knew about the rock:

• It was given to me by my friend Christina in 2008

• It came from somewhere near Banff, Canada

• It was uniformly grey and didn’t have any prominent minerals or features

• It felt a bit chalky when I held it

I picked up the rock from my bureau. Indeed, it felt like it was leaving a chalky residue on my palm. So that meant the rock was relatively soft, softer than an igneous or metamorphic rock, which are composed of stronger stuff.

Holding the rock in a shaft of sunlight, it admitted some small sparkles of white, but they didn’t glint fiercely. It didn’t have any prominent flecks of minerals, or bands of minerals either… signifiers that a rock could be igneous or metamorphic. Harking back to my childhood, I recounted the granite of Aberdeen. Highly reflective in sunlight. Hmmm. The lump was likely not igneous.

Having perused the Natural History Museum, I came face to face with folded gneiss, a familiar face of the metamorphic world. Her curvature and sheen told me all I needed to know — she wasn’t an associate of this grey, humble stone.

My deductions led me to my first conclusion: I was looking at a sedimentary rock.

The game was afoot.

Chapter 2: The Tomes of Knowledge

At this point I consulted ‘The Google,’ to decipher what sedimentary rocks could be found in Banff. Limestone or dolostone were the likely culprits.

I knew I had to narrow it down. I decided to go to the source, to figure out where the rock could have come from, exactly. I sent a telegram to Ms Christina.

me: Dearest Christina. It has been twenty-four months since we last spake. I must impress upon you an urgent request. In our girlhood you offered me a trinket souvenir of your excursion to deepest Canada. My request, although odd, was for a rock. It is now of the utmost importance that I obtain the details of where you recovered this geologic artefact.

christina: Hahaha that is so random! I’m going to hazard a guess and say Lake Louise!

christina: what a thoughtful gift 😂

me: Thank you Christina. Your co-operation in this investigation is noted. I shall retire to my memory palace to process this new information.

Now that my thoughtful gift’s true origin had been confirmed, I was going to consult the atlases. Maybe this would tell me whether it was limestone or dolostone.

A geologic map is an interesting resource, as its many swirling colours tell the viewer what rocks make up the ground they walk upon, what our buildings are built upon, or what the surrounding mountains are made of. As a matter of fact, I am writing this missive to you from the dusty deposits of London Clay.

Having procured a rare map of the Canadian Rockies, I pinpointed Lake Louise. It was ensconced by a series of mountains swathed in dark grey. The ‘Gog Group,’ an early Cambrian group comprised of quartzite and limestone. A sure indication that limestone may be my man. Yet a quick scan of the peaks indicated that dolostone was still at play, within formations indicated by other earthy colours.

I was so close, the answer wafted in front of me like the croissant-scented breeze at a Gail’s Bakery. I longed to taste the flaky pastry of elucidation. But how could I be sure of my hunch?

Putting the question to my social network, I received a communication from the educated Mr Vojta, a true geologist and notable master of the visual arts. He advised that I submerge the rock in vinegar. Limestone would produce an immediate effervescence when dropped in the acidic liquid. Thus, my experiment began.

Chapter 3: The Experiments

Previous experimentation involved a quick scratch test on the rock. It was a simple test, normally performed on mystery minerals, but I used it as an early-stage investigation into whether the rock was sedimentary or not. Can the rock scratch, or be scratched?

After a simple test I discovered that the drag of a needle could disrupt the surface of my rock. However at this late stage of the investigation, this provided no further revelations. I needed the aid of chemistry.

I called upon my assistant Mr Angus and we set up the laboratory. From the depths of my cabinets I procured some vinegar of the health store variety. I could not waste any time on distillation, so the pungent scent of apple cider filled the room.

Mr Angus, who had accompanied me on this final leg of the game, enquired as to whether this test would prove without a shadow of a doubt the true identity of the stone.

“My dear Angus,” I said, holding my totem above the beaker of effluviate solution, “Though I may not be a true geologist, this quest is not beyond my reach. Dolostone may be sedimentary, however it will not bubble in this solution as quickly and confidently as limestone will, unless it contains large amounts of calcite.”

Mr Angus scribbled in his notebook. “You have a profound mind, Sholivia Holmes.”

“I am a brain, Angus. The rest of me is a mere appendix.”

As I dropped the rock into the vinegar, my resolution wavered. This could be dolostone in deep disguise. And, despite my abnormally large and intelligent brain, maybe I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. In geology, as I had learned, there are always exceptions.

The rock sunk to the bottom of the beaker and began to immediately carbonate the water, ebullient bubbles rising through the liquid. An amateur eye would consider it limestone.

And for all intents and purposes, it truly could be. I consulted the map again. The area where this rock came from was dominated by limestone formations. It was quick to bubble. I did not have a firm answer, but by my powers of deduction, it had to be limestone. It just had to be.

Or was it?

As I stared into the effervescent vinegar, the stone stared back at me. A Cambrian stare, with five hundred million years of secrets in its many eyes.

things I liked

✶ It’s been a week of books books books, as I’ve finally broken the dreaded reading-drought, which happens when I get bored of a book I’m currently reading and then just stop reading anything altogether. I have to thank Meg for bookclubbing with me a silly fantasy romance novel we call the Gargoyle Toastie Chronicles, Phoebe for recommending Marian Engel’s Bear and myself for choosing to read Bunny by Mona Awad, which will definitely be in the top favourites of what I’ve read this year.

✶ I’ve been rewatching Sailor Moon! I remember coveting this series as a kid but being upset we didn’t have Sky TV at home to watch it all. So I’m starting from the top and taking it from there. Ahhh, Tuxedo Mask.

If you enjoyed my tale of science, Sherlockery and stupidity, then forward it on to a friend who might like it, too. I hope you have a great weekend! I am going to have LOTS OF FUN because my sister is getting married this weekend! wahoo!

You can support this project directly by taking a minute to do one of these things:

• buying a ‘Gneiss Guy’ tote bag on my Bandcamp

• listening to my music on Spotify and adding it to your playlists

• forwarding this newsletter to a friend!

• and if you haven’t already, subscribe:

Until next Thursday!

Be good,

Olivia 🌈✨🏔🎶