sorry but we have to party rock now
plus, the stratigraphic column of my life!
the song of my jubilee weekend was this:
look. i’m sorry to do it, i really am. but i couldn’t stop singing some version of LMFAO’s party rock anthem as i crawled over folkestone beach. the version was normally this:
fossil rocks are in the ground toniiiight
but then i’d turn over a rock, and all these wiggling beach bugs would jump out, so then it would be:
little bugs are on the rocks toniiiiight
then i’d turn over another rock and find a crab:
little crab under a rock… toniiiight
and so on.
why was i crawling on the rocks in folkestone, kent? (why was i singing party rock anthem?) i was, naturally, looking for fossils. my first fossil attempt! and i genuinely wasn’t expecting anything apart from maybe one crumb of a seashell. however, within ten minutes of clambering over boulders, i found a brachiopod (which is basically… a seashell, but brachiopod makes it sound so much more exciting and intellectual). and boy, once you pop you just can’t stop (which is the official slogan of fossils).
now, let me lay some facts down on you. this beach hosts gault clay, a sedimentary rock which is bluey-grey and formed from a shallow, warm sea in the cretaceous period. more specifically, it comes from the early cretaceous period, which is ~145 - 100 million years ago.
yeah, man! those little broken up ammonite dudes are from 100 million years ago. and now they’re in my bedroom, for better or for worse. i hope they like salt lamps and bad nightcore music.
it made me think about how long time can feel, and how we all have fossils of our own: things which were abundant in our lives at one point, but aren’t around so much now. you know, like that food you were really really into when you were studying abroad, or maybe a certain type of nail polish you only wore when you were 15.
i’ve only lived 3 decades but there are times in my life which feel very separate from others, phases which are so defined that i could place them on a stratigraphic column of my own. each of them would be named after places i lived or studied at, and each of them would have their own fossils. here’s a few, off the top of my head:
Upper Albynian (a subgroup of the Aberdonian period)
this age was characterised by: a burgeoning obsession with canada and the winter olympics, a crush on gerard way, an evasion of french horn practice
common fossils of this period: starbucks frappucino cups, hockey sticks, emo band CDs
rare fossils of this period: a hotmail inbox, a winter olympics fanfiction, a first kiss
Universitian Period (subgroups include Pollockian, Laurentian, Marchmonteous and Thirlestonian)
this age was characterised by: rediscovering steely dan, crying over men, asking friends for the astronomy homework answers
common fossils of this period: gigantic Zara scarves, unread 19th century literature, unfortunate jaegerbombs
rare fossils of this period: a train ticket with a handwritten note on it, a glittery pink backpack, a tanglewood guitar
Torontonian Period (divided into subgroups of Parkdalian, Dovercourtian and Bloorian)
this age was characterised by: lots of snow, value village clothing, a general feeling of loneliness
common fossils of this period: TTC tokens, maple-flavoured foodstuffs, skype calls home
rare fossils of this period: canadian winter olympics mittens lost on a bus to barrie, a half-written 30,000-word sci-fi novel, a stick-and-poke tattoo of saturn that people mistake for the london underground sign
so…what would your periods and fossils be?
things i liked
✶ have you ever looked at the list of colloquial names for a woodlouse? does anyone actually call a woodlouse a “dandy postman” or “cheesy papa?”
✶ speaking of bugs, i believe in them.
✶ of course i want to see this documentary. of course.
✶ oh, and i did finally go see the worst person in the world last weekend.
✶ my fav song of the week — from two 2020 eurovision contestants.
✶ steps platinum megamix. STEPS PLATINUM MEGAMIX.
✶ a boat called wahoo:
🤠 CONGRATULATIONS 🤠
you made it to the end of the email! click the ❤️ heart ❤️ and claim your prize.
i know i promised another song this week, i am currently experiencing technical difficulties with my microphone setup which is… an incredibly boring excuse but i will bring new songs to ya NEXT WEEK! and that’s me making a PROMISE! so i don’t AVOID DOING IT! 😃 🪓
now, listen to party rock one more time for good measure,
olivia 👻